Growing Pains

I think the toughest thing about being a parent sometimes is learning when not to be one or in other words letting go so they can grow. I really wish that our kids came with manuals so that when they did something you knew exactly what to do to fix it or how to correct it. The last couple weeks have been trying as a parent to say the least. Our oldest is an adult still living at home, yes in this day and age with the cost of everything this makes sense. He gets his college degree and saves money while living at home. They forget to tell you how hard this will be. Someone forgot to include in my imaginary "How to Raise my Child" manual what you do with an adult child living at home. Do your old rules still apply? Do you make new rules? Then if you make new rules do they get a say in the rules?
You see his friends all moved out to apartments, houses or dorms. They get to drag themselves in at 3 a.m. or not come home at all without their parents having heart attacks, mainly because their parents don't know...unfortunately when you still live at home you don't get this privilege. We are struggling to give our child wings without giving ourselves ulcers. The conclusion that we have come to is that above anything you must respect each other if respect starts to slip then it is not two adults discussing what will be going on Friday night but parent/child discussing what will happen.
We have come to find that at this point if respect is present then the rules are created by both parties as we go, not having a manual kind of makes this the way it has to be. I would really have to say that to be the oldest child really sucks when your the pioneer for what is right and wrong.
Then their is the middle child she is struggling to figure out who she is and how to get the attention that she wants on her terms. She is growing and wanting more freedom but still wants to be the little kid at times, this is hard for parents at which time do I hug you and at which time does your moody outburst mean you need left alone...so confusing.
The youngest sits and watches she sees the other two make mistakes get in trouble and is wise enough to file that away as not to make the same mistake they made. This makes her more dangerous then the other two in the fact that she now has ammunition in store like what to say or what to do to get out of certain situations.
I just wish that they understood that every time they leave the house it is like having my heart walk around outside my body without being able to make sure it is safe at all times. So I ask that God give me strength to survive their growing years, allow me the ability to find humor in whatever happens and the ability to remember that being a good parent doesn't always make me the popular parent.